Unsettling email from boss

Why is it that the female instinct is so frequently one of self doubt?

In a guilty moment this afternoon when wondering whether all sorts of disasters were happening at work due to my malingering with a migraine, I checked my emails and wished I hadn’t. Ominous looking message from boss entitled “Various” leapt out at me. Fear struck my heart. Did not open but cannot purge from thoughts. Various what?

Various issues for discussion?

Various clients who have made complaints against you?

Various matters in which you have been negligent and the firm is now being sued?

A large file attachment came with the message. Further panic. Perhaps it is a list of my internet history during working hours over the last six months. Felt my mouth going dry and my body getting weak. 

I will probably not sleep tonight as a result and may even have a nightmare if my alcohol consumption is not increased dramatically within the next hour.

Were I a man of course, my imaginings would be quite different. 

For example

Various new and important pieces of work I have on my desk to give you because you are so good at your job and the firm wants to promote you as soon as possible.

Various achievements for discussion at your appraisal where we will be giving you the good news that you are going to be made up to Partner forthwith even though your figures are crap.

Various benefits we can offer you along with a stonking pay rise to ensure that you do not decide to go and work for Hotshot Lawyers down the road.

Various pleasing comments that clients have made about you in the last three months.

Various pornographic pictures of women in states of undress.

And so forth.

None of that - you are just not good enough broken record stuff. 

After years and years of being a lawyer I still feel like I am winging it.